Music, Teaching, Learning, and Life

Well, it’s been a while, but I’ve decided it’s time to write again. Will I reveal “too much information?” That’s entirely possible, but I’m caring less and less about that these days, so be forewarned!

Several events in recent days have led me to this new state of mind.  First, I have a friend from college whom I haven’t seen in years who is battling cancer…and appears to be losing that particular battle.  However, as I read her blog about her experiences, emotions, and faith, I’m encouraged, challenged, and reminded how short life really is.  Melody is only 46 (or 47?) years old, has four children ranging in age from 5 to 19, and yet she is handling her situation with grace and a strong faith which I greatly admire.  Second, since November I’ve become active on Twitter.  I update my status often throughout the mornings and evenings and have “met” several wonderful people in the process.  Recently, I met in person one of my Twitter friends, Andy.  Andy is one of the brightest, nicest people I’ve met in recent memory.  If I hadn’t been willing to open up a little on Twitter, I may never have met this wonderful young man in person.  My life is richer for it!  Last, I’m realizing more and more how valuable every day of my life is.  I don’t want to spend my days pretending I’m something I’m not.  Even if out of the handful of people reading this post most don’t agree or relate, maybe one person will.

The biggest change in my situation has been my recent separation from my husband of 20+ years. Twenty years ago I took my vows before God, family, and friends, fully intending to love, honor, and cherish this man until death parted us.  We agreed then that the word “divorce” wouldn’t even become a part of our vocabulary.  And yet, after both of us royally messed up, here we are.  I’ve found it very difficult to keep going because of the roller coaster of emotions I’ve experienced.  During the last two+ months, one idea has helped me over and over: “Just Do It!”  Yes, the Nike ad.  I’m going to use an idea Andy and I discussed and make this a list post. (This one’s for you @Zweibz7!)

Situations In Which the Phrase “Just Do It!” Has Helped Me Keep Going:

1. I had a rough day at school; I’m tired, depressed, and feeling generally awful about my life in general.  I know I should go for a run, but it’s the last thing I want to do. “Just Do It!”  Any runner knows the high we hear about is truth.  Every time I run, I finish with a brighter outlook. It’s just starting that’s the hardest.
2. I’ve let the day get away from me; it’s after 8:00 and I still haven’t practiced my clarinet.  “Just Do It!”  Almost every time I practice, I experience a mental state described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi as flow.  My mind clears, problems become smaller in my mind, and I experience increased motivation as the practice session continues.  When thoughts enter my mind beforehand like, “What is the purpose of spending all this time practicing as a non-professional? What do my friends think of it? Is it really THAT important?” if I “Just Do It,” those questions fade away. I’m reminded that the satisfaction in the music itself, increased playing opportunities, and the mental benefits of practice are well worth my efforts.  Once again, I have to “Just Do It,” even when I don’t initially feel like it.
3. It’s time to start my teaching day. The idea of pasting on a smile and being professional is the last thing I want to do. “Just Do It!”  When my first group of first graders come into the room in the morning, I try to look at each one of them and think, “They just want to be noticed and know someone cares.”  Some days are better than others, but I still have to “Just Do It!”
4. I pick up my oldest from school when my emotions are at a low.  She LOVES to chat; I just want to be left alone, not listen. “Just Do It!” Her days at home are numbered: she leaves for college in three and a half short months.  I have a feeling I’m going to miss her chatter when she’s gone…
5. I get up in the morning, questioning how my life could be at this point, how I might find redemption. I know I should read my Bible, but it’s the last thing I want to do. “Just Do It!” Every time I follow through with this, I rediscover God’s mercy and grace.

I don’t know what tomorrow holds any more than anyone else.  However, I do know if I follow through with these ideas tomorrow, my day will be so much better!