Music, Teaching, Learning, and Life

This morning I called my Dad to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving. During the conversation he mentioned going to the annual Thanksgiving Day cane grinding at my uncle’s farm.

Daddy was born and raised in a very small, rural community. One of thirteen brothers and sisters, they grew up on a farm, about 250 acres large. They grew vegetables (canning and freezing many), raised animals for food, milk, and labor, churned their own butter, harvested grapes, etc. They were considered poor even in their small community, but they always had food to eat and a few items of clothing to wear.

As a child growing up, I spent many Thanksgivings at my father’s parents’ home in northern Florida. Crossing over the state line (a river) from Georgia on the way, our family had a tradition of singing “Over the River and Through the Woods.” We also played a silly game to see who could be “first” in the car to cross the line. As the youngest, I somehow was allowed to win this game frequently!

Even in the 1970′s, Daddy’s parents were still using milk on the table that had come straight from the farm cows. I can’t say I enjoyed it, but grandmother’s homemade biscuits are still some of the best I’ve ever tasted. She made them without a recipe, using lard. I learned to mix peanut butter and my uncle’s sugar cane syrup for a delicious dip for the biscuits.

Every Thanksgiving we spent in northern Florida, we went to my uncle’s place a few miles away for the annual sugar cane grinding and syrup making. My memories revolve mostly around playing with my cousins, and chewing on pieces of cane to get the last drops of sweetness. I wish I had paid more attention as a child to the details, but I do remember the huge vat where the juice was cooked down to the syrup’s sticky consistency before being bottled in hundreds of jars for family, friends, and for sale. I remember the barn being a stifling, steamy place, too hot even for a chilly Thanksgiving morning. It seemed run-down to me even then. But the sugar cane syrup made there is still my favorite of any, ever.

My Dad told me this morning that my 88 yr old uncle and his family no longer make the syrup. They still harvest the cane, but the syrup isn’t made at that location. I was there on Thanksgiving Day for the cane grinding several years back for the last time. Even though it hasn’t been a part of my life except that once in many years, I’m sad to hear that part of my extended family’s Thanksgiving tradition is over.

That one memory has brought to the forefront of my mind many of the ideas and struggles that have been a part of my blogging in the last few years. Perhaps the questions I’ve struggled with are questions some of you struggle with as well: Who am I? What is my calling? How can my life make even a small difference in this world?

I’m still working on the answers to those questions. However, this morning I was reminded of one thing. I’m still my father’s daughter, and I’m very thankful for that!

Yes, I’m still moving forward, but in ways I didn’t anticipate when I wrote my last post.  I’m discovering that moving forward can mean making the most of the best elements of my past while working within its framework to change those aspects that caused pain or disappointment.  Within days of my last writing here, my husband and I decided to reconcile.  Those words look so flat on the screen compared to the raw emotion involved when both of us reached that decision!  Maybe one day I’ll write more on the subject, but for now I’ll only add that it was probably the best decision of my life.

A part of the growing process has been determining priorities.  I suppose that’s huge for all of us.  My twitter profile states:  elementary music teacher, wife, mother of two girls, clarinet player; loves reading, writing, and learning.  All of those are still true, but I’m coming to terms with the amount of time I can afford to spend in each area…and I’ve reached a conclusion…for now.  The most important areas of my life right now are my family and my job as a music teacher.

Continuing to learn is still vital.  I’ve learned recently in classes, by reading, writing, taking private clarinet lessons, and by performing in community groups.  I don’t have the energy or time to spend on a daily basis in every one of those areas and still make my husband and daughters top priority.  I also don’t have time to labor over that last sentence to get it just so!!!  I know. I’m getting wordy and probably redundant…”blah, blah, blah,” I’m saying in my head.

I’m thrilled to say I love my job as a music teacher.  When I get in front of a classroom of eager (and a few not so eager) students, I’m reminded they need someone to open up the wonders of music to them.  I’m so thankful I can be that person for the students at my little school.

Also I started a separate blog for my ramblings as a music teacher…more “blah, blah, blah!”

I’m moving forward in other areas of my life, so I think I’ll move forward here as well.  As a perfectionist who overthinks EVERYTHING, this isn’t easy.  But I know writing is one of the areas that helps me grow and learn.  So here I go!

I’ve been spending a couple of hours in my classroom every day this week, setting up, and getting my brain in gear for the new school year.  I’ve made a few minor changes as I’ve thought about traffic patterns, room for movement/instruments, the best placement for visuals to help students learn.  Just like every other year, I’ll probably figure out as time goes by a better way to do things, but for now, I like what I came up with.  If I remember later, I’ll try to post a few pictures (if I can figure out how!).

I applied for a smartboard grant at the end of last year, and still haven’t heard whether or not my classroom will be one of the recipients.  The district only awarded three.  I’m not holding my breath.  At this point, I’d be very surprised to hear positively.  If my classroom does get one, it will be a wonderful addition.  If not, I can always research other funding avenues.

The perfectionist in me is hesitating (big time!) over this post, but if I don’t publish, I never will. I’m off to exercise, take the dog to the vet, then I’ll go back to school for a few hours to work on planning.

It feels good to write.

The fourth of July. It seems like such an innocuous holiday. And yet it’s full of memories. What in the world will Christmas be like???

Last night’s all Beethoven concert with the West Suburban Summer Festival Orchestra was a fantastic experience!  I love playing clarinet in community groups, both bands and orchestras.  It’s inspiring to perform with dedicated adults who love music and their instruments enough to practice and rehearse, in addition to other full-time responsibilities they may have, without monetary compensation.  Because of schedule conflicts of the regular 2nd clarinet player, I’m fortunate to be able to play this entire summer season.

The WSS Summer Festival Orchestra, a part of the West Suburban Symphony Society, is a newer group in Chicago’s Western suburbs.  Auditions began in February, 2008, and the very first concert was July of last summer:  Carl Orff’s Carmina Burana.  I auditioned last year when the group was forming, but didn’t make the final cut.  However, I was placed on the guest/sub list.  Imagine my excitement when I received the e-mail asking about my availability to play the very first concert last July, 2008.  Of course, I accepted without hesitation!  

After that first concert, I wrote the following about the experience (Monday, July 21, 2008).

Carmina Burana

How do I begin to put into words my thoughts about Saturday night’s concert? I was a small part of the very first performance of a new group in the western suburbs–”a part of history,” as the conductor, Peter Lipari, described it. I was only subbing for the 2nd clarinet player, but somehow, that doesn’t seem to affect my sense of truly being a part of something great. Was the final performance Saturday night perfection? No. However, the faults I heard seemed pretty small in comparison to the overall picture.  

The West Suburban Festival Symphony is a volunteer/audition group. I don’t believe any of the musicians received compensation. In fact, all of the orchestra participants had to pay a $20 fee in order to cover the cost of the music rental. Each member of the 100+ voice choir purchased their own music in order to participate. We sold tickets, helped advertise by word of mouth, put up fliers, etc. The success of the concert was definitely a group effort on all fronts. The conductor, the president of the organization, and several others, took a big risk to get the group started. Would the initial auditions, fundraising, and scheduling of concerts, venues, and rehearsals produce enough of a payoff? Would the group be well received? Would ticket sales be sufficient? Would the members of the chorus and orchestra show enough commitment to produce a successful performance? Fortunately, the answers to all of those questions was a resounding YES! In fact, at the end of the last movement, the audience of over 450 people immediately rose to their feet for a standing ovation that lasted several minutes. Were they just tired of sitting for over an hour? (I’m asking the question a cynic might ask!) I don’t think so. There was something truly moving about the whole performance. The soloists were fantastic; the choir sang beautifully; and the orchestra played their hearts out.

Why did it all work? We worked under the leadership of a charismatic individual who helped us all feel a part of a “family,” a person who was also able to spur us on to play, sing, and work to the very best of our ability. Peter was able to run rehearsals in such a way that we all had a great time while working to produce the very best performance possible. As I played during rehearsals and at the performance, I had the sense that I was playing under the direction of a TRULY creative person. Every member of the group with whom I talked spoke of how much they love playing in Peter’s group. Yes, it was a group effort with many people doing vital jobs behind the scenes, but no one would have done their work with as much enthusiasm and effort if it hadn’t been for Peter’s leadership. I think they all know that, too!

 

I had the urge to write the following in twitter, hesitated, then thought ,”Why not in my blog instead.”  After logging on and seeing my stats (still not sure I like seeing those!) and the pictures of people who have commented, I was calmed and comforted.

Three of the hardest words to say: “I release you.” I’m broken-hearted.

Yes, I am broken-hearted.  However, I also know I’m not alone.

I’ve had a rough few weeks personally, and have been afraid to write…and lacked adequate words. I’m also out of the writing groove.  However, just this morning I read a few entries by another blogger, and was encouraged to write again by his free and easy style. We’ll see how this goes.

While on twitter this morning, I had a couple of conversations with @sandramogensen and @DarkPiano.  The conversations were different in nature, but the two led to the same end result.  I played the piano “just because” for the first time in months.  I play at school almost every day, but that isn’t quite the same.  When I play to accompany students, I rarely think about my playing or the details of the music I’m producing.  My mind is preoccupied with concepts I’m trying to teach and classroom management.  This morning was a refreshing change.

I started my morning tweets with a typical “Good morning.” Almost immediately, @sandramogensen replied, asking about my plans for the weekend.  When I answered and asked her about her own schedule, she wrote about a recital she has this weekend: playing Grieg and other composers’ works.  The first time I listened to Sandra’s playing (Grieg) through a link she provided, my emotions were caught up with the music.

Simultaneously, I had a conversation with @DarkPiano.  We talked about our mothers, how they had both passed away in recent years from cancer.  Memories of my mom who died in November, 2004 have been very close to the surface in recent weeks.  I wear the wedding ring my father gave her on my right hand to remind myself of her character and life.  (My parents reached their 50th wedding anniversary eight months before she died.)  I’ve noticed that ring more frequently in recent days.  As I talked to both of these twitter friends, memories of practicing piano with my mother listening from other parts of the house flooded my brain.  Mother didn’t have the advantages of formal music training, but she loved music; she especially enjoyed listening to her daughters play…at least in our more advanced playing days!

@DarkPiano shared a link to one of his own piano pieces recently on twitter.  I liked it, and the melody stayed with me and continues to play in my head at odd times.  I was able to get the manuscript from him just this morning.  His piece, “Prologue,” was the piece I started with this morning.  I was a little hesitant at first, missing the C, playing a B instead, on the thumb under F scale pattern, but after a few times through the piece, my fingers started to remember, and my memories of Mother took over:  her sweet, gentle spirit, her love for other people and animals, and her sensitivity.  Then the grief hit.  Not just about Mother, but other losses I’m experiencing.  I tweeted at that point: “All those sappy sayings about music and art? They’re true!”  I didn’t know how else to express in 140 characters the effect the music was having at that point.

After I played through Loren’s piece several times, I remembered my Chopin and Debussy books from my high school days.  Every once in a long while I pull out the Chopin Preludes.  My Debussy book, along with multiple other clarinet and piano books, were ruined in a basement flood about 10 years ago.  I never replaced them, thinking I wouldn’t need them in the future.  That was an overly practical time period in my life…. In spite of missing the Debussy this morning, my spirit began to feel somewhat restored after practicing and playing two of my favorite Chopin Preludes: #4 and #15.  I finished by playing “Prologue” once again.

I no longer have the time or emotional energy to finish this post properly, so I’ll quickly finish by saying I’m very thankful for friends, many whom I may never meet.  I’m also very thankful for the music in my life.

Back in the first week of February, I did something I’ve only done a handful of times in my life.  I dropped and broke my clarinet mouthpiece!  I’ve never been one to obsess about equipment–except my mouthpiece, ligature, and reed.  Probably a better explanation is I find what I like and stick to it for YEARS!

I started playing clarinet at the age of 10 when I had the opportunity to join band.  My parents had a used clarinet in the closet that my oldest sister had tried for a year before quitting.  (She made the choice to continue in earnest with piano instead.)  I think the brand name of that clarinet was a Normandy.  My parents had gotten it used–probably free from someone–when my sister had used it 10 years earlier.  When I came home from school after the instrument trials and told my parents I wanted to join band, they told me if I wanted to do it, I’d have to choose clarinet.  They couldn’t afford to purchase a different instrument.  That clarinet was in terrible condition, but I managed to learn the basics and progress until my freshman year of high school when my band director, Dr. Sharretts, encouraged my parents to purchase a new clarinet for me.

The clarinet my parents purchased at that point was a Leblanc L70.  I LOVED that clarinet and could immediately hear and feel the difference.  I also got a different mouthpiece at that time, but I don’t remember what the brand name was.  During marching seasons, my mouthpieces were dropped and broken on several different occasions.  Now that I have teenagers myself, I can imagine my parents’ frustration at having to pay for new mouthpieces then!  Their financial situation was only slightly better at that point.

When I went to Olivet Nazarene University as a freshman, my private teacher (Harlow Hopkins) had me try various mouthpieces to find a better fit.  At that time I found the Borbeck brand worked well for me with a Luyben clear plastic ligature and Vandoren #4 reed.  I used that combination with my Leblanc L70 clarinet for the next 22 or 23 years.  During those years, I broke my Borbeck mouthpieces a couple of other times, but repurchased the same brand each time.

While I was working towards my Master’s Degree a few years ago at VanderCook, I played in the Graduate Band.  I hid in the 3rd clarinet section for my entire stay, but while there, I had some truly eye-opening experiences while listening to Charlie Menghini and Stacy Larson as they conducted and taught.  As you might expect, most of the participants of the graduate band were band directors themselves.  I had only been teaching as an assistant band director for one year at that point myself and had much to relearn (and learn–still do!).  During one rehearsal in particular, I remember Dr. Menghini talked about the importance of making sure students had good equipment to help them develop to their fullest potential without frustration.  Possibly for everyone else in the room at the moment, that was a “duh!” moment, but for me, that was the beginning of thought processes considering the implications for my own clarinet playing.  By the way, at the same time I was in the Intro to Grad Studies class taught be Roseanne Rosenthal where I was learning more about the implications of practicing at a young age, muscle memory, etc.  I was also seeing the payoff of all of those ideas in the progression of two of my nephews who play violin and cello.  I also began reading some truly fascinating (to me!) books concerning mental focus, positive thinking, creativity, practicing, etc.  However, those are all topics for other posts.

When I graduated from VanderCook in the summer of 2006, my husband encouraged me as a graduation gift to purchase a new professional model clarinet.  In August, 2006, I received my new Buffet R-13!  My new teacher, Fred Lewis, helped me with the purchase and we began lessons.  I remember taking the clarinet out of the box during my first lesson.  I had picked up the clarinet from Fred’s shop (Lewis Flute and Piccolo Shop in Villa Park) the week before, but kept putting it, case and all, back into the packing box!!!  I think I was afraid…  As I played that clarinet with my old mouthpiece/ligature/reed combination, I got some really strange sounds.  I could barely control it that first week.  It was pretty awful, and that’s not false modesty talking!  I gradually improved and became extremely happy with that combination.  Notice, though, that I was stubbornly holding on to the old Borbeck mouthpiece!

Fast forward to February 2, 2009, Elmhurst College and Community Wind Ensemble rehearsal.  I was putting my clarinet away in Hammerschmidt Chapel when my mouthpiece slipped out of my hand and fell to the tile floor.  We had the Winter Graduation concert the following Sunday, so my heart felt like it stopped momentarily.  When I picked up my Borbeck mouthpiece from where it had rolled, my worst fears were realized.  The top corner had chipped off!!!  The next morning, I called Woodwind Brasswind at my earliest break to order a new Borbeck….They didn’t have one in stock!!!!!!  Fred was out of town for the week, so I was on my own.  Keep in mind that I’m not one to keep up with the latest on mouthpieces, instruments, barrels, reeds, etc.  I just want to play!   Fortunately, I remembered that Fred had talked about a particular mouthpiece during his Woodwind Methods class at VanderCook as well as during my lessons.  (I think over the months he may have been trying to gently lead me away from my stubborn attachment to the Borbeck!)  I knew I HAD to have a workable mouthpiece by the following Sunday, so I ordered the Vandoren M13 mouthpiece that Fred had told me about on several occasions.  With “overnight” shipping, I had the new mouthpiece in hand by the time I got home from school on Thursday afternoon.

I can’t say that I noticed an immediate change in tone quality, but my intonation was different.  With the Borbeck, I had struggled with consistently sharp playing.  I always had to pull out at every joint to play in tune over the range of the instrument.  Even still, there were several notes that were particularly problematic.  With the new Vandoren M13, I noticed right away that even though I started off slightly flat, after warming up, the instrument played in tune much more consistently across the full range.  The problem pitches were also much better!

I was still unsure as to my liking of the tone quality until I had my first lesson with Fred after a couple of months of not seeing him.  Circumstances has precluded scheduling and keeping a lesson date until just last Friday.  I’ve never completely liked my tone quality in Fred’s little studio.  The carpet and smallness of the room, etc always made my tone sound quite “dead” to my ears.  I much prefer hearing the reverberation in my wood-floor living room!  However, on Friday, using the new Vandoren M13, I heard a new aliveness in my tone quality that I’d never heard in that room before!

Time will tell how much more improvement I’ll be able to experience in my playing.  I am, after all, a 43 year-old who never fully developed her technique when younger.  I’m happy to say, though, that breaking that Borbeck mouthpiece almost two months ago may have been a blessing in disguise!